Men's Rules

At last a man has the guts to write this. Finally, our side of the's about time someone told it from OUR perspective!!!

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side... These are our rules!

 Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
 down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
 about you leaving it down.

 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides,
 let it be.

 1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
 that way.

 1. Crying is blackmail.

 1. Ask for what you want, let's be clear on this one:
 Subtle hints do not work!
 Strong hints do not work!
 Obvious hints do not work!
 Just say it!

 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every

 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it, that's
 what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem, see a doctor.

 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
 fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
 to act like soap opera guys.

 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask!

 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
 makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
 done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it

 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we!

 1. Men see in 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach for
 example, is a fruit, not a color, pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
 idea what mauve is.

 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
 "nothing's" wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the

 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
 you don't want to hear.

 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is

 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
 discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster

 1. You have enough clothes.

 1. You have too many shoes.

 1 I am in shape. Round is a shape.